Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so let's talk penis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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