I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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