The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
