I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
