I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
