Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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