there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
