We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
