if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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