she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
