Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
