I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
