I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
