I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
