why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
