you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
