Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
