booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
