i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
being pregnant is like rehab
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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