i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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