Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize