Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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