I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just gargled with NyQuil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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