Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
