If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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