im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
