Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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