Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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