i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
