OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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