sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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