The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
