I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
