Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
