Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
