I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
