The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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