my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
