I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
