Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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