where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
