Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
