After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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