New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize