my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
