just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
