I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
