This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
