wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
