When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
