Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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