Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
