it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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