Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why do cheetos always look like penises
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
