i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
