So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
