I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
