hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dick very happy bro
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
